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As we enter the new year, you’re likely being bombarded with reminders or some internal pressure to make resolutions about all the changes that you should be making in the new year.
First and foremost, let’s talk about the word “should.” Although I believe in making goals and thinking about the future, they can often be a letdown and cause a feeling of guilt or shame, especially when we use the word “should” along with them.
They can come from a lack of self-acceptance rather than encouragement and excitement. It’s a feeling of “have to” vs. “get to” which can feel burdensome. And if we set goals without a plan, they can feel overwhelming and don’t last or “stick” and we can often feel let down and discouraged.
A goal is focused on the future with a specific outcome and external achievements.
An intention relates to a purpose and relationship to yourself and others.
Intentions are based on the present moment which can help determine how we want to show up for ourselves and for others.
Parenting is not something you check off “the list.” It is ongoing. It’s a relationship and your children are their own little people (or in my case, big people). They have their own ideas, thoughts, and desires. Setting goals with parenting is tricky and can set you up for failure or feeling “not good enough.” But setting intentions helps us determine how we want to show up. We can come back to them day after day, or even hour after hour, to remind ourselves how we want to “be” with the people we support and love so much.
This year, instead of setting a resolution, how about trying something similar, but a little different with me?
How about we talk about setting intentions and focusing on what we want to cultivate and what we want to let go of?
Even if your intention for the new year is simply to have a different relationship, mindset, or experience than you did last year, setting intentions rather than resolutions allows you and your family to approach everything that comes up through the lens of your values and purpose rather than feeling let down or reacting to unmet goals. If you’re with me, I have created a worksheet to help you out and I am going to walk you through it.
This year has brought a lot of wonderful connections, as well as a lot of growth for myself as a parent and professional. As I work through the steps to setting intentions, I will use myself as an example for you and hopefully provide some inspiration to fill one out yourself.
Let’s start by breaking this down into 5 simple steps:
- Reflect: Start by reviewing the past year. You can do this alone and/or with your family. Get yourself grounded by journaling, going for a walk, or doing a body scan. Close your eyes and mindfully reflect on past events and experiences. What feelings, sensations, thoughts come up that feel comfortable and pleasant? Joy? Gratitude? Pride? Do you want more of those feelings? What are the uncomfortable thoughts and emotions? Uncertainty? Overwhelm? Sadness? Do you want less of those? Don’t judge – just notice and observe. Share or keep to yourself, whichever feels right.
I started reviewing this past year by journaling and meditating to get quiet and go inward. I usually like to get out into nature and go for a walk, but it’s raining today so I’m cozy inside (another tool that helps me tap into my inner wisdom – making sure that my body is calm, comfy, and regulated). The experiences, relationships, and situations flowing through my mind bring up so many feelings. Some examples are confusion, sadness, gratitude, excitement, pride, frustration, deep connections, abundance, and love. - Let Go: After thinking about some of the more difficult times or things you want less of, write down those feelings and reactions.
The feelings that came up for me from the past year around the more uncomfortable situations were confusion, disappointment, and frustration. - Cultivate: Once you are clear on what went well and what you want more of, hone in on the feeling and sensation words that arise. Write down the words on the worksheet that resonate with you.
Once I was clear on what I wanted more of, it was easy to identify the words that related. Last year, the patterns and feelings that came up for me were connection, collaboration, joy, and fun. - Anchor: Once you are clear with what you want to cultivate more of and things you want to let go of, try to anchor those intentions with a word or words that you can reflect on and refer to daily that helps remind you of the feeling and intension you want to have daily.
I made a list of many words that resonate with me but the ones that feel the most solid are peace and acceptance. - Say YES!: Now that you have your intentions with anchor words, tune into these on a daily basis with a visual reminder or ritual. When things come up that cause you to pause before deciding whether you should partake or get involved, ask yourself, “Do these bring more X, Y, or Z?” (your anchor words).
For me, I will ask if the opportunities bring peace. If so, then I will try to fit it in and make the space to say “yes”. If not, I’ll work on boundaries. In general, try to focus and find more things, people, and experiences that support your intentions. I already know that some of the things that bring me more peace are walks in nature, snuggles, spending quality time with my family, and connecting with friends. These are a daily YES! After choosing the words, I will try to come up with different ways to remind myself of these feelings and intentions on a daily basis. I’m going to make a vision board and put this word on my screen saver. I’m excited to lean in on a daily basis and see what happens. Let the magic begin!
Empower your family with knowledge and practical tools, unlocking their full potential in the New Year. Elevate your journey by delving into the Make it Stick calendar, thoughtfully crafted with activities to nurture social-emotional learning at home. For those seeking to strengthen these vital skills in both children and adults, explore my book, “Make Social-Emotional Learning Stick,” available on Amazon and on my Shop. Equip your family for success, fostering positive transformations throughout the coming year.